Introversion can seem like a hinderance to those who don’t understand how to control it and use it to their advantage.
I suffered immensely from being trapped by my own thoughts, living in a world which caters to extroverts, and being surrounded by family and friends who made it seem so easy to express whatever they wanted to say.
It was near impossible to hold a conversation with someone I didn’t know and trust, and in social situations, I used to think there was something very wrong with me.
If I didn’t get a grip on myself, it would have crippled my career, social opportunities, sex-life, and sense of well-being.
So I put in the work, overcame the downsides, and reinvented myself into the person I wanted to be.
Proof of this can be heard on the podcast I am now (regularly) co-hosting with Christian McQueen.
Its hard to believe that just a few years ago, I couldn’t imagine being able to express myself as freely and fluidly as I do now in front of an audience of 1000s.
The last two episodes, #108 & #109, we recorded are titled How to Have a Social Life Without Being an Extrovert (pts I & II).
I highly recommend signing up and listening to them, do that here.
In episode #109, I recounted the top 10 ways I was able to overcome crippling introversion in order to live the life I wanted.
Below are 5 of them I want to lay out and expound upon.
#1. Coming out as an Introvert
I compared this to coming out of the closet because it can be terrifying to think there is something wrong with you and not know how others are going to react.
Its best to do this with a trusted family member or close friend, I didn’t mention this on the podcast but DO NOT think you’ll get the same results on an internet forum. This has to be done face to face and said verbally so you can feel the full effect of emotional release.
Plus, its a great bonding experience with the person you speak to.
I’ll never forget that first conversation where I opened up about having all these suppressed feelings that were impossible to share, you aren’t looking for a pity-party, but are seeking understanding–a very human connection.
#2. Exploring the Origins of Shame
Many people I’ve coached have told me that there is a shame that comes along with overthinking and preferring solitude.
That’s what an extroverted world will try and make you feel, but it isn’t the case at all.
There is no shame with being introverted, and it is a strength that you can work with, but digging up false roots is an important first step to conquering yourself.
My entry into doing this was through hypnotism. It was the first time I was able to return deep into memories and recognize which ones had clung to me like a hex–then get rid of them by visualizing packing them up and putting them in a freezer to be rendered harmless.
I’m half Native American as well and take very kindly to plant medicines. My grandfather recommended peyote when I was 24, which turned my ego into dust, I eat psilocybin mushrooms semi-anually, and have written extensively about the benefits of ayahuasca.
The above is not for everyone, but it has done nothing but good for my psyche.
#3. Journaling Your Progress
This was especially helpful when I was learning about game and how to meet women. I have dozens of notebooks that chronicled my successes, failures, insights, and overcoming cognitive dissonances (maybe I’ll publish those one day, they are so much fun to read now).
I believe it is especially important for introverts to put their thoughts on paper in order to figure out what is really going on inside your head.
#4. Imagine Yourself as a Kid on the Playground Again
That was a time before all of the distortions of society permeated your thoughts, when you didn’t think of things as all or nothing, there was no overthinking, and no worries about saying the wrong thing.
You were free to play, meet other kids on the playground, and be yourself.
When you realize that is what nightlife and letting loose is still all about, it frees you to lose your inhibitions and have a good time with others with no holding back.
#5. Embrace the Fear
Your mission, especially if you are a man, is to overcome fears and demonstrate courage.
I’ve coached guys who were in firefights in the Middle East, stared death in the face and said ‘Fuck You’, yet they still feel hindered by anxiety when it comes to expressing themselves properly in front of pretty girls.
As twisted as that sounds, its a part of modern life and should not be ignored. If it can happen to a well-trained solider, it sure as hell can happen to anyone.
Meaning in life comes from expressing your will onto the world and making an impact. The stresses and anxieties that come with being an introvert should not keep you from living up to your full potential.
Embrace that fear, and slay it like the evil dragon it can become–this is what we are here for.
I speak more extensively on each of the above topics and give examples in the podcast (plus give 5 more tips with actionable advice), so make sure you listen to it, here.
I’ll be writing more about the strengths of being an introvert, and how you can use it to your advantage when it comes to meeting women, connecting with others, and appreciating the deep beauty in life.
You guys asked for it in the response to my last email, and its one of the aspects of life I’ve worked the hardest on.
If you are interested in coaching or the NYC Experience, go here.
And to read the story of when I truly began to break out of the introverts shell, check out Go Forth.