The Table this week is a doozy.
I’m very pleased, excited, and proud to announce that the notorious playboy Christian McQueen will be joining us as a regular contributor.
His insights and experience are second to none.
The focus this week is on Self-Improvement, a topic that should be at the top of the list for every man seeking to make the most out of this short life.
There is some valuable information in here today so lets cut to the chase and expose our souls…
What is Self-Improvement and Why is it Important to You?
Christian McQueen: Self-improvement is creating every opportunity you can in order to fulfill one’s destiny. Without self-improvement one becomes complacent, mediocre and the the worst of them all: average. I have a saying over on my blog and forum, which is “Fuck Being Average”. Many average men have the ability to be something great, but there is one factor that prevents them from doing so: themselves.
The obstacles aren’t your parents, a lack of money, or being short in stature. The obstacle is one’s self. If a man makes the choice to maximize his strengths, develop his weaknesses and put on blinders to the bullshit around them, then the sky truly is the limit.
Fuck the haters, fuck the distractions of negative people, fuck the attitude of settling, fuck the casual ‘American Dream’ and choose to think bigger, act bigger and create the life you have always dreamed of. If a man does not, he will lay in his deathbed with regrets and his life will be littered with broken dreams, delusions and waste.
This is Trouble: Self improvement is the lifeblood of a man. To do without it means to stagnate and go nowhere. Men are meant to build. Without that, we become a shell of ourselves, doomed to a life of increasing levels of unhappiness. Just look at all of the married men walking around the suburbs of America. They’ve stopped building. The only thing they have left is a career to pay the bills. And while they might be able to “build” that, most of them are there simply to collect a check to provide for their family.
Just like sports – every aspect of your goal(s) can be broken down and improved. I was a better athlete than I am an online businessman, but I’m working every day to improve my writing and my money making abilities online. I know I will succeed, but I know it takes time.
Self-improvement is important to me because I know it’s the way to succeed in life. Stay in shape, be continually learning new things and always be focused on your goals.
Goldmund: Its work towards advancing your knowledge, skills, physical fitness, and mental clarity. Its always been an important part of my life because I grew up in an extremely strict household that made that work a part of everyday life. Sure, I rebelled from it for a while and there was even a period of time where I thought that taking care of your body or caring about style was ‘lame’, but I wizened up and now those are both very important to me.
I’ve made a living off of advancing my education and have had an intense hunger for knowledge my entire life. The more a man knows how the world really works, and the more he knows about himself, the more he can bend and adapt to his environment and thrive anywhere.
What was the Biggest Personal Obstacle you Had to Overcome and How did you do it?
Christian McQueen: Expecting that my confidence and ego would be enough. It’s not. No matter how confident one is, or how big their ego is, if they don’t put in actual work, then they will fizzle out.
I wasn’t a huge fan of work. Who really is? But then that all changed, when due to making some bad decisions (aka bets), I found myself penniless, homeless and on the other side of advantage. This situation didn’t go away overnight. In fact it lasted the better part of a year. It was hell on earth. I wish it on no man, not even my worst enemy. I went from living on the streets, to hustling up enough money to rent a shitty car that I would sleep in, to hustling up to be able to stay in shitty hotels for periods of time here and there, to finally making some big moves and getting back on my feet.
It was a process. I’m not talking about spending a week in a car, or on a friend’s couch, this was months of agonizing crushing defeat. But the biggest lesson here is that it was no one’s fault but my own. I blamed others for a period of time, until I realized it was all ME. It was my problems, my bad decisions, my living on the edge that caused me to fall off the cliff. I was foolish and paid the price. Once I correctly identified the problem as being MYSELF, then recovery could take place.
I realized that although I had worked my whole life, I tended to do the bare minimum. I decided to work my ass off every fucking day until I was stable and then I would work everyday until I could say “fuck you” to anyone in a 100 mile radius and it not matter. People have asked me, “How come you created a blog so quickly that has so many articles etc?”. It’s simple: I worked. Every fucking day. Writing everyday. Strategizing every day. It truly is that simple.
Now I still do some sort of work every single day. I’m like a Holocaust survivor, my mantra is “Never again”. Never again will I allow myself to slip into complacency and pay the price. I might not be the best writer, the most talented at the various things I do, but I will outwork every motherfucker and that has been the ‘secret’ to my success.
This is Trouble: Hands down was getting past my video game addiction, which plagued my life from the time I was about 12 to 15. I was grossly obese, chugging Mountain Dew and Doritos by the Costco pack, and hadn’t even held a girl’s hand at that point in my life. Some of the games actually kept track of how much you played, and by those estimates I literally wasted 200 days actually playing video games in the course of a couple years.
I overcame it because enough people made fun of me and lit a fire under my ass. I realized that aspiring to be the greatest Warcraft player of all time…wasn’t something that was cool to aspire to.
Masculine Profiles: Not to play the race card, but being born an of average height and athleticism for a white guy – the biggest obstacle I’ve ever overcome is getting a full-ride athletic scholarship in one of the two biggest sports in the United States.
People just don’t think you’re good at certain sports or playing certain positions when you look like I do. So I had to develop the grit and determination to overcome the stereotypes and achieve my athletic goals. I didn’t achieve all of them (yet), but I had some success and it’s something I’m proud of.
Athletics is also the reason I have little sympathy for most. When you know you can achieve things going against stereotypes and such, you don’t feel bad when other people let these things stop them from achieving. If you don’t succeed, it’s YOUR fault – not any one else’s, not the system, etc. It’s YOU. YOU FAILED. People just don’t want to accept that. That’s when the bitching occurs.
Goldmund: Man, there were a few that were huge, I’m talking giant motherfucking demons that had to be confronted and slayed.
I think the most applicable to readers would be my crippling social anxiety. There is a long backstory as to how it developed, but the results were that I absolutely could not speak or read in front of a group of two or more people. My throat would close, I would sweat, once I passed out…it was that bad. College came and it was either learn how to speak in public or fail, so I read as much as I could on overcoming the fear, joined a support group, and forced myself to practice. I muscled through the shaking, put myself in front of the group until it was under control. It worked and I was able to speak in public. Now, my current work requires me to speak in front of large audiences often and I’m considered to be one of the better public speakers.
That anxiety also made it impossible for me to approach girls. To even think of walking up to a girl I didn’t already know and start a conversation was so far-fetched that I thought I was doomed to only meeting women through social circles and work. Then came couchsurfing and my introduction to the joys of sweet, feminine European women and my determination to meet more of them. Finally, I cracked one day and googled “how to pick up girls” and the rest is history.
For guys who feel ‘stuck’, ‘blocked’, or are struggling to get started improving their situation, what advice can you give?
Christian McQueen: Start with something small. Real small. If you normally get up at 8am, start with 6am. Do 3 or 4 Green Tea shots to get your brain cracking with energy. Make a list of what you need to do that day starting with the most important stuff. Focus on item one on your list and don’t stop until you complete it.
Turn off your smartphone if that will help you focus. It sounds basic, but those extra two hours a day that you are now utilizing will give you momentum and a victory of sorts to make a plan out of the gutter you might be in. Another ‘trick’ that works is moving. If you find yourself in a dead-in city then you need to get the fuck out. Being surrounded by average people with average goals and average attitudes will keep you average, I can promise you that.
Lastly, if you wait for everything to be perfect before you take a risk you never will. Life is messy. Life is never perfect. Don’t wait around. Take action right the fuck now. When you’re done reading this article, take action.
This is Trouble: You must step back, analyze your situation, and determine real, actionable steps. To do it without a plan is suicide. For example, the previous question above: I was fat, not good with women, and lacked social confidence in general.
I realized that I needed to tackle my weight first and foremost. So I went balls to the wall with my fitness; I dropped 80 pounds in 8 months.
Then, I started doing some cold approaches on Friday nights at the movie theaters with my friends. I’d just go find girls sitting around outside and go talk to them.
After that, I took up a few more activities and sports outside of my other hobbies, getting me out into the real world and socializing more. I made quite a few good male friends by having common interests. This even holds true to this day by writing this blog.
The point is: focus on one thing at a time. At the beginning of the game, baby steps are better than nothing.
Masculine Profiles: Just pick one goal and go at it like a crack head sucking dick for his next rock. Seriously.
Read books on the topic, create a plan that starts with baby steps, write the plan down, clip that shit to your wall and look at it every day.
Then go DO IT.
Push through the first 20-30 days. They are the hardest, but after that you’ll develop a routine and you work to achieve your goal will feel more natural. Don’t give yourself any excuses. Just push through and focus on what you want.
And be selfish – if others don’t understand what you’re trying to do then fuck them.
Goldmund: I’ve been there, been so depressed I slept for 18 hours per day, felt hopeless, like I would never recover, dead to the world. I would say focus on something that will take you out of your own head first. Art and Nature saved me from going insane more than a few times and I found myself healed while out alone in the wilderness. Marijuana is also a good medicine, but you have to use it correctly. Same goes with hallucinogens. I hesitate to recommend them because of the dangers if you don’t have control, but for me, they were a big part of my recovery.
After the initial recovery, focus on little things. Wake up early and write, just write as much as you can for 30 minutes each morning. No one will ever see those words so don’t be afraid of anything. Just write whatever comes to mind and get your thoughts in order. The things that come out and the revelations that are possible in a writing exercise like that might surprise you as to how effective they are. This will help you figure out what you really want out of life and the steps you need to progress.
Once you get the improvement ball rolling though…it gains a momentum of its own.
What fuels your passion?
Christian McQueen: Desire to be the best, live the best life and influence men to achieve their dreams. Some days the fire doesn’t burn as brightly in my soul. Some days I’ll read something, or have a conversation with someone that pokes that fire and makes it a little hotter and a little more intense and then I feel renewed to push forward.
Without passion one will never reach their vision. Without goals it’s hard to reach one’s vision. It’s a staircase. The vision is what pushes you through obstacles that life will inevitably toss in your face. The goals is the roadmap to your vision. But the passion is what gets you up at 6am EXCITED about life and what you’re accomplishing.
Without passion one is reduced to slaving away for a paycheck and meanwhile feeling contempt for their current situation. Without passion a man has nothing.
This is Trouble: I’m fueled a lot by hate, to be honest.
Seems like it’s been like that a lot of times in my life. I hated the people who made fun of me for being fat, so I showed them up. I hated all the average people in college who were content to move back in with their parents and fold clothes at the mall – so I used that motivation to land a hell of a good job out of school. Now, I’m fueled by my hatred of sitting in a cube to work on my own projects, with the end goal of moving to Europe in the very near future.
I’m pretty self motivated in general – but having that bit of anger burning inside me really pushes my work ethic to a new level.
Masculine Profiles: Honestly, I’m at a crossroads. I’ve always been a motivated and passionate guy, so this question is tough for me.
My oldest passion (athletics) is no longer something I can do everyday due to my beat up body. I love women and sex, but I’m almost to the point where I don’t feel the need to improve in that arena a ton. While money is not and will never be my passion, I have focused a lot of my efforts on developing online income streams as of late.
At this point, I’m trying to find a way to live a balanced life filled with passion in all areas – girls, work, hobbies, goals, etc. I found the road to success or failure is often more enjoyable than the end goal itself. So I’m just enjoying my time here on earth and trying to figure things out.
Goldmund: I want to absorb the entire world. I want to experience everything. I want to fuck all the beautiful women, climb the most rugged mountains, laugh at kings, cut the heads off my enemies, and jump in to fire. I want to continue experiencing extreme pain, pleasure, success, and failure. I want a gun in my right hand and a dove in my left. I want to watch the ugly world burn and create beautiful things that spark the fire that does it.
I used to be an extremely angry young person, the anger stemmed from confusion of not knowing myself or much about the world. Since I’ve spent so much time developing self-knowledge and educating myself on how things work, I can walk around with my eyes wide open and a clear mind. So I want see and take it all in and share my vision.
This blog has been an outlet for me and I never cease to appreciate all of the support and thoughts of appreciation. Thats what has been stoking me the most. When guys tell me how much they appreciate my view of the world and tell me to keep on sharing, the drive continues.
If you suddenly found yourself turned in to a woman, how would you spend your day?
Christian McQueen: With Bruce Jenner. I’d discuss what it feels like to be insane and what color we should paint our nails.
Masculine Profiles: If I suddenly found myself turned into a “hot” women…
I probably stare at myself in the mirror for a while. Then I touch myself for a bit. Then I’d find a way to go full lesbian for the day with the most feminine Lesbos I could find.
After that, I’m not sure – kind of a weird question.
Goldmund: I’ve always been captivated by how hard a woman can orgasm. Its so much harder than what I usually burst with. So I’d play with myself until exhaustion and see what it felt like.
And then I would go out all dressed up, do whatever I wanted, and get free shit.
Probably approach guys and intimidate them with some direct game and eye contact too. I can’t imagine the reactions from these wimps that parade around as men.