If it was possible to give 100% of your attention into every action, you would be very successful.
Game would be simple, you would notice every nuance, react accordingly to each test, and be completely on-point. I experience this every once in a great while, but for the most part there is usually something holding me back from being fully present.
Mindfulness is the focus of attention. It’s the trait that lets you live completely in the moment and put all your energy into action. It makes you come alive. If you are being mindful then you are putting all of yourself into what you are doing. Your work will be top-notch and the people you are interacting with will feel and appreciate that energy.
Girls are especially sensitive to this. They sense emotions, can detect lack of confidence, and tell if you are being genuine or not. They are very good at it and have been practicing their entire lives.
As a teenager, when you were out playing basketball, skateboarding or breaking into liquor stores–the girls were sitting around gossiping, learning how to read body language, and talking, talking, talking amongst themselves. You practiced physical feats while they exercised social skills.
So when a girl meets a man who is mindful, can read her correctly and react accordingly, she knows she has come across something rare. It doesn’t even take long to prove your mindfulness–an astute observation, guessing where she is from, a quick witted joke, a tease that reminds her of childhood. These things can get you in her head fast, but you need to be in the moment to pull them off.
How does one become mindful? It is simple, but requires work and practice.
You can start by paying more attention to your regular habits and routines. If you don’t have any rituals, I would suggest finding some to get you in the right state of mind. A couple of mine are making tea and using a Neti Pot.
An example of being mindful when making tea:
I’ll watch as the water from the tap seeps through the charcoal filter, thinking of how it is cleansed by chemical reactions that take out impurities and trap them in the carbon.
The water will get poured into the kettle and I’ll watch the stream flow in, listen to the sound it makes while hitting the bottom of the kettle, and feel the weight of the water until just enough has been poured to fill the tea pot.
While the water is boiling, I will run warm water through the tea pot, heating it up and cleansing it. The tea leaves will be scooped into the strainer and I’ll bring them up to my nose to smell. I’ll see if I can detect the difference between yesterdays Sencha and today’s Gyokoro.
When the water starts to boil, I’ll wait a moment after the flame is turned off, and let the water cool just a bit–then I’ll pour it over the tea leaves, raising the kettle up and down as I pour to maximize the tea leaf mixing.
I watch as the water turns a shade of green, the Bodum pot that I use allows you to see the color of the water and really enhances the experience. While the tea is steeping, I will take a wooden chopstick and stir the leaves around every 20 seconds. I look down into the strainer and watch them unfurl, expand and release their flavors, polyphenols, and L-theanine into the water.
After exactly 2 minutes and 30 seconds, I press down the strainer to stop the steeping process. I watch as the little particles of leaves that slipped into the water sink down to the bottom of the pot and then I pour my first cup.
The beautiful green liquid makes a perfect circle in the cup and I put my face over it so the steam opens up my pores.
The first sip is always the most stimulating, the heat makes me alert, and the new flavors coat my tongue. I can feel the warm liquid make its way down my throat and coat my stomach lining. Now I am ready to focus on work.
You can do this with any activity: taking a shower, organizing your shelves, making your bed, beating off (kidding). As long as you are giving it as much attention as possible–not thinking about what happened yesterday, not worried about what might happen tomorrow–you are exercising your ability to be mindful.
You might think that this goes against a lot of what you heard about game. Fuck what you heard.
When you first meet a girl, it’s always good to be playful, flirtatious, fun, not really caring about what happens. That’s good, and I have a hell of a great time during the beginning flirts.
But what happens in the end stages? The part where its time for you to pull the trigger? That’s when the ability to be mindful will pay off and be your key to getting the girl to have sex.
When I first started ‘game’ with the cheesy openers, routines, and almost clownish behavior, I encountered a lot of last minute resistance.
I could trick a girl into coming home with me–we would be goofing around on the train and I would be telling her about her personality based on which fingers she had rings on, and then we would get to my place and she would freeze up–refuse to take her panties off, lie there coldly, and leave us both frustrated.
The problem was that I was never really in the moment, instead of thinking about which routine to run, I should have been being mindful, showing her that my energy was focused on her as a person, making her feel that energy and wanting to share it through sex.
This is what I am practicing now. It is a difficult skill to master because each person is very different. While some girls might react positively about a comment on how their eyes shine, other girls will think that is something cheesy and get turned off.
If you are being mindful, you can pick up on what kind of compliments or teases would work on different girls. I find that very beautiful girls like being told about their holistic beauty, “there is something about the way you move that is captivating” or something that is minute and unique “the way your hip meets your thigh creates an incredible curve.” My focus these days is on girls who are in the upper echelon of hotness so I’m busy experimenting more with this.
Trying to be mindful in a world that is full of distraction is not an easy thing to do.
Practice it, do it out in nature if you can.
Focus all of your energy into the task at hand and keep on trying to seize the moment fully. This will seep over into all areas of your life and you will become successful in your actions, whether they be starting a business or getting dates.