Reading people is one of the most important skills you can have.
It helps in every aspect in life–whether it be making new friends, schmoozing at a party, hiring someone to work on a project, having a debate, and of course–when out meeting girls.
For the past few weeks I’ve been assigned to a new job where I have to put a team together. Doing so requires an interview process where the right applicant has to be fit into the correct position. They also have to be able to work on a team, be able to contribute knowledge as well as enhance the collaborative effort.
It is not easy to find quality people. There are so many worthless losers out there who are harmful to productivity, add negative energy and hold people back. I can’t even believe that a lot of them make it through college and hold graduate degrees. They are that bad.
Even though they may look fantastic on paper, have endless credentials, won awards for their previous work–many of them have the social skills of a wart. I wouldn’t want them anywhere near my work where they would poison the well.
During the interview process, the most important qualities they can demonstrate are adept social skills, a sense of self-awareness, and congruence. I don’t care what their resume says during the interview, if it wasn’t up to par they wouldn’t have been called in the first place. What matters when they are sitting in that chair is if they can prove that their inner self has been taken care of as much as their paper achievements.
It puts me in the position that pretty girls face each time they go out on a date or guys approach them. They don’t give a fuck about what you have done, or claim to have done–you could lie your face off and make her believe every word if your body language is on point–not that I recommend doing that, but I’ve done it before and it does prove that how you say something is much more important that what you say.
Girls are master screeners, they have to be able to filter out the schlubs from the studs because they have been bombarded with schlub attention for their entire lives.
Guys on the other hand? When did we ever have to learn how to screen?
Since we were horny little teenagers, bursting with energy and cum, most of us have been willing to fuck anything that said yes and looked passable. And if you do make it through your 20s, step up the quality, and date truly attractive women, most of the time you will be on the side of attempting to prove yourself worthy while the girl decides whether or not you are good enough.
I’ve noticed this a lot when out, when coaching, and listening to guys complain about their dating life–and much of the time guys are wasting their time when they could be making some progress.
This is where screening comes in. Filtering out the wastes of time from the girls who hook and provide a good connection.
Its something that comes with experience, but it can certainly be honed, practiced and used to your advantage.
First and foremost, you need to pick up on what is being communicated through the eyes.
They are the number one clue to telling what a person is really thinking.
When you step inside a new room, notice if there are any pairs of eyes that shoot your way. If there are then that is a huge cue to step up and say hello to the owner of those orbs. Do it sooner than later and your success will skyrocket.
Even if you don’t catch glances from girls, keep a watch on how the eyes react upon your approach. Do they have a little glint in them? Is there that sparkle of interest? Do they invite you to keep talking? Notice these things and build on the energy if it is there. The best example of this I can give is the interview with the attractive girl I met in Manhattan last year. Her eyes are shining so bright and were some of the biggest green lights I have ever witnessed.
Eyes are also good for filtering out the skanks and rotten girls of the world. The 1000 cock stare is a dead giveaway that the girl won’t be passionate in the sack (and possibly give you an STD). I’ve never liked truly slutty girls and their devoid souls, and that dead-fish look they project through their eyes is a warning sign of sickness. Stay away.
Also notice where her eyes are looking while you talk. Does she check out your clothes, glance at your jewelry, keep staring at your lips, is unafraid to hold eye contact while you talk? These are all great signals to keep up what you are doing and escalate.
Next is the rest of her body language. Again, it doesn’t matter what you are talking about, hopefully you are good at turning the conversation sexual, flirting, and being direct with your intentions, because then you can respond to her body language and steer the conversation in the direction you want it to go. I would estimate that 85% of my conversation with girls is based off of what their body language is telling me, not the words coming out of their mouth.
What kind of language are you looking for? First, obviously, is touch. I’m not one to get physical with girls first, I like them to make the first move. It could just be a touch of the arm when you say something she likes. A punch on the shoulder when you make a dirty joke, or if she picks up the pendant on your necklace to take a closer look and ask where you got it. These are all incredibly obvious attraction signals and the equivalent of her saying the words “I’m extremely interested in you right now”.
A much overlooked part of the body that communicates a lot are the legs and feet. If they are pointed towards you, great. It means she trusts you enough and doesn’t have the feeling like she wants to escape. Take notice of how her legs are positioned and use it as a cue to either ramp up the sex talk (if they are towards you) or try and make her feel more comfortable (if they are pointed away). Its hard to describe the feeling of elation that arises when I’ve been talking to a girl with her legs crossed away from me and then I say something that makes her shift in her seat and position herself completely towards me.
One of the ways I was able to hone these skills quickly was when I was in Mexico and trying to get by on my minimal Spanish. Many of the girls down there don’t speak English and some new techniques had to be used and new ways of communication had to be devised.
The next time you go out, try and pay more attention to body language, and screen for the types of people that match up with what you have to offer.
*You can read about how I honed my screening skills in detail in Go Forth.
One reader had this to say:
His book is one filled with adventure, travel, drugs, Mexican gangs and sex….hooked yet? Goldmund takes the reader inside the very soul of Oaxaca using the landscape, weather, architecture and women. Goldmund makes sure the reader experiences every sexy curve, beautiful face, and orgasm with him.
His search for adventure seeps through the pages and makes you want to get slapped in the face by life.