Art Basel: Sex, Drugs, and Getting Weird (pt.2)

Part 2: Imprisonment, Jellyfish, Threesomes

I woke up fresh and ready to go. It was around 10am and I was looking forward to getting to the beach.

The crazies did not leave a set of keys for me and when I got to the front door there was a note on it saying that the last person to leave should padlock the gate that was over the front door.

I opened the door and pushed on the iron bars that guarded the entrance.

They didn’t budge.

I looked down and saw that one of the crazies had used the padlock on the gate.

There was no key for the padlock.

I rummaged through all the drawers, cabinets and couch cushions looking for a key. There were keys everywhere, but not one fit the padlock.

I called up Crazy #2 and told him what happened. He told me that Crazy #1 would be back soon, I cursed him out over the phone and told him I was trapped like an animal in a cage and this was my vacation time he was cutting in to–something priceless.

After hanging up on his crazy ass I tried all of the windows in the place. There was no escape–the bars on each window were absolutely impenetrable, even the tiny one in the shower had thick iron over it to keep intruders out and prisoners in. The guys were truly paranoid.

I was fuming mad at this point because these crazy fuckers were stealing my most valued asset: time.

I went into their refrigerator and raided all of their bacon, eggs, ham, orange juice and coffee. I popped a bottle of champagne they had and made mimosas.

As I was stealing their goods, I saw two guys walk past the iron gate. I hollered at them and told them that I was trapped. One of the guys was the landlord of the building and told me to wait a minute as he retrieved a key for the padlock.

He told me that ‘someone was going to get in trouble’ as he set me free. Now I was really ready to make the best of the day.

The money on cabs was going to be too much and the public transportation in Miami really sucks, so I went to rent a bike.

Cycling is a passion of mine and I love doing it. Each day in Miami, I rode around Brickell, over to South Beach, back to Brickell, and then up to Wynwood and back. Some days there were a lot of detours. Every day I was pedaling 35–50 miles.

I’ll say that again: every day I was pedaling 35–50 miles on the bike.

And this was not by any means a proper road bike. It was a very heavy, very cheap beach cruiser with one fixed gear and big fat slow tires.

Most would never consider riding that much on a shitty rental bike. But I love hard work and exploring, its just the type of motherfucker I am. In order to be a proper player, one that bangs 50+ women a year, you can not be lazy and must be willing to try new things. Its the only way…and the girls can sense it.

*The one cool thing about the bike is that it had a big basket in the front where I could throw all my shit and ride almost naked.

Most of the time I didn’t mind biking at all. It fills me with energy and the leg workout releases tons of testosterone, so by the time I reached my destination, I felt great.

The first stop was Mother Ocean. Lummus Park in South Beach is a great place to swim. I swam out far, there was a lot of seaweed in the water and when I got out past the big waves, I looked back and noticed that I was the only one in the water.

“Thats weird” I thought, and then I started to feel the needles.

All around me, everywhere, were Portuguese man o’ war.

Hundreds of the purple bubbles with their stinging tentacles splayed out and brushing me.

I didn’t freak out because I have been surfing with man o’ war many times and have dealt with the stings: but never this many.

The stings really aren’t that bad, you definitely feel them, but I wouldn’t call them painful. There were a couple of patches on my body–back of the knees, under the arms, on the ass–the places where skin is extra sensitive–and they got me really good.

The bubbly, itchy patches, lasted for weeks.

I swam back in, picked a few out of the waves for a photo and walked up the beach another half-mile to where there were less of them and got some more swimming in.


A cluster of these fucks.

The return to the ocean was beautiful. I hadn’t been back in since Mexico and spent an hour in the water.

It filled me with life, the sun tanned my skin and I felt incredible.

This provided more energy than cocaine, a better mood than molly, and grounded me back to Nature.

I was on fire.

Shortly after the bath, I sent out a series of ocean-high influenced tweets that are something funny to look back on:


There is a place very close to Lummus that serves great Peruvian style ceviche: Chalan. 

I would return here for lunch each day to indulge in raw fish and octopus. There is nothing like raw meat to get the blood going even faster.

The long, beautiful bike back over the causeway during sunset had me fired up even more and as I prepped to go out, I looked in the mirror and saw the blaze in my eyes. The type of look that lets women know you can dominate and give them the time of their life. The sort of gaze that pierces souls and forces people to be completely honest with you. The ocean gives this to you, as do many places in Nature that collect energy:

It was time to rock n’ roll. 

I burned North up to Wynwood. The bar/club Wood was going to be my first stop but I had to park the bike before I even got up there. I stopped because of the mass of crowds that were swarming 2nd Ave.

People were everywhere, the herds were moving along, stopping traffic, and it didn’t look like anyone knew where they were going. I got into observation mode to separate myself from the mob.

There is a look that forms on my face when I am ready to observe fully. Girls have commented on this look during our pillow talk and say its the first thing they noticed about me.

I’m not afraid to look everyone in the eye and get a feel of their energy. The gaze is very non-threatening but it is also unshakable. I’m taking it all in, outside of my own head and able to get inside others. Its what allows me to recall past experiences so clearly and write them down.

Combine that look with the fire I had going and I felt unstoppable.

I wandered for a bit, walked past Wood, saw the line was two blocks long, and kept walking.

There was an outdoor ‘Art Walk’ that wasn’t completely swarmed by the mobs and I went in.

Two drunk models stumbled by, looked me up and down and said I had great style. I said “thank you darlings” and kept walking.

The eyefucks were pouring in and guys were on full mateguard. *Make note fellas, I am NOT a pretty boy or even conventionally good-looking. But some nights, when its on, the internal light shines very bright. That’s what the girls are drawn to. Moths to flame.

I walked slowly, taking it all in, and noticed two Latinas sitting at a picnic table. I gave them both a smirk and nod as I passed and noticed them light up and look at each other.

I sparked a smoke, took a seltzer water from a promo girl, and went to the end of the art walk to sit on a big boulder in the garden.

As I was sitting, the two Latinas came in, ran up to me and asked to take pictures. They kept calling me “Indiana Jones” because of my satchel and hat and they were crawling all over me while posing.

I was letting them go crazy. I have blown it enough times in the past to know that when girls approach and are already hooked, your game needs to be taken down a notch so you don’t lose them.

From that point on it was mostly just coasting along for the ride, amping it up at key points, and waiting until logistics were right. There were many times in the night where I felt the game energy rising but suppressed it in order not to overwhelm the girls. Experience is really the only way to understand this.

I asked the girls about Wood and they said they could get us in because they knew all the doormen.

We went over and skipped the 100’s of people in line and were whisked in.

Wood is another great place. The setup is wonderful for mingling, the backyard encourages conversation, and people are just begging for a good time.

After some free shots, the girls told me how much they loved twerking. I told them to show me how its done and we went to the dance floor.

They twerked those Latina asses on me while I just stood looking at them and grinning like a madman.

The asses were so incredible and I was so turned on that I grabbed their hips and just banged them against me while the crowd stared. I took one of the girls by the neck and choked her while she twerked. Right after, she turned around and said “god, papi, I want you to do that some more”. I responded “don’t worry, I will” with fire coming out of my eyes.

We did more shots and the girls got really crazy. In the street, on the way to the next club, there were these little bug-cars that were blasting EDM.


The two girls would start dance parties with everyone when they rolled by. One dance party got so nuts that a dozen people swarmed the bug-car and it caused traffic to come to a halt.

Just walking around with these two was an adventure. I was getting them more riled up by spanking them, twirling them around and ramping up the sex-talk…and they just kept getting more wild.

When a hot model chick with a nice ass would walk by (they were pretty frequent), the girls would run up to grab her ass and say “Ooooo, mami, you are so hot, I want some of that!”

I couldn’t fucking believe it. The shit they got away with was astounding. I loved every second of it.

We got to the next club, Shots, skipped the line again, and went in.

In the back yard/stage/dancefloor area there was a VIP section where the winner of an art contest (yes, a fucking art contest) was sitting with bottles of vodka, champagne, punch, and a giant 8 foot tall trophy.

The girls jumped over the ropes and started talking to him. He happened to live just a few blocks away from me back in NYC and we got excited about that and popped a bottle across the dancefloor while cheering our neighborhood.

We made that VIP section rock. The girls were going nuts twerking, I was drinking from the bottles and using the giant trophy to point at girls on the dance floor and get them to come over. In 10 minutes we had that balcony filled with cheering girls.

One Spanish dude tried to scoop up one of the Latinas. Dude had no game but could dance like a motherfucker…he looked like he taught classes.

I watched as the girl entertained him for about 45 seconds, then she looked over at me smirking at her and came right over to twerk that ass on me again. She gave me a kiss and said “that guy was trying to hard”. Boom. Game.

We left the club and the girls danced down the street with me following. There was a group of 5 big black dudes drinking and smoking weed on the sidewalk, and as the girls passed, shaking their asses, I thought oh, fuck, how is this going to turn out?

Of course the dudes started hollering and when I rolled up to the dancing girls, one of them said “STOP! Threeway kiss!” and we all made out.

The dudes were so hilarious in their reaction that I had to stop the kiss because of laughing so hard.

“Awwwww, shit! Look at this cat! Smooth mothafucka! Oooooooo Shit! Whooooo!”

They got up and were literally punching the brick wall with laughter.

After it was done, high fives went all around and as we walked off, I told the girls, “I had no idea what was going to happen back there, but it couldn’t have turned out better”.

We went back to Wood for another round, some more threeway kisses and twerking.

I was pretty drunk at this point and took my camera out to take some pics. One of the girls turned fast with her glass and hit my lens hard. The impact fucked the lens up and made it impossible to focus…the dangers of nighttime camera game.

When I went to the bathroom, every single girl had her eyes on me. Two came up while I was on line and asked who I was. There has never been a night in my life where I was this ‘on’ and capable of so much.

Exiting the bathroom led me right to another threeway kiss with my eyes closed and the sound of a dozen people screaming “Whooooo!!”

The girls took me by the hands and drug me out. We jumped into one of their cars and sped off.

I told them I didn’t mind being kidnapped but the last thing I needed was to die in a drunken car crash right before a threesome.

They laughed and slowed down a bit as I reached up to the front seats and fondled both sets of boobs.

This started a little competition between them. “Who’s boobs are softer, rounder, juicier, bouncier, etc…”

We drove out to a little island with huge condos.

 The doorman laughed at us stumbling in and knew exactly what was up when he called the elevator. We went up 30 stories to a condo overlooking the Atlantic and the colorful city of Miami.

The girls tore my pants off and had a dick sucking, deep throating competition. As they got naked I convinced them we should all take a shower.

They had been going nuts and were a bit sweaty and dirty. I wanted to get crazy with them and knew there would be fluids splashing everywhere. The cleaner the better.

I scrubbed them up and down in the huge granite shower and had a ‘smooth skin’ contest with their ass cheeks.

Their pussies were warm in that shower and there was a bench that I sat on and had each one sit on my lap while I slid inside for a few seconds each. We had a ‘warm pussy’ contest.

While they were trying to dry off, I was trying to fuck both of them and then threw them onto the bed.

They really started competing the beginning: who could ride the hardest, who’s pussy was the wettest, and my favorite–who’s doggystyle was better.

The asses on these girls were something magical and the memory of the two of them in heat, up in the air in front of me, with the city twinkling in the background, will stay with me forever.

I kept the girls in that position and banged away on both.

Pulling out and entering the other was a lot of fun but made it very hard to come. After almost an hour of switching back and forth, I was getting exhausted. I had them both slurp on my cock and balls until I busted a load filled with jellyfish venom all over their faces, hair, and tits.

We lay in a moist heap for a while and I piled their perfectly soft asses next to each other and used them as giant pillows.

We rested for about 7 or 8 minutes and then went at it again.

This time I came much faster an blew off in both of their ass cracks and roared like a lion when I did.

I gathered my things, told them adios and went back down to the lobby.

The doorman called me a taxi and while waiting for the cab to come we smoked a joint and I told him about the threesome. He kept referring the girls as ‘those crazy bitches’.

30$ later, I was back at the loony bin and they were already up making breakfast. I wasn’t even upset about being imprisioned anymore…threesomes tend to allieviate any bad vibes. They both looked at me enter and and said “Whoa, looks like you had a good night”.

“You could say that” and went to bed with a smile.

Stay tuned for part 3: drugs, madness, and scaring people.

If you like this you will love Go Forth and Montreal Je t’aime.

If you want to go party and get some coaching from me, check out my coaching service.


About Goldmund

Goldmund grew up a wild-child and was constantly being disciplined. Using ancient rituals and game, he broke free from the shackles of his mind and the norms of this backwards society. He frequents bars in Brooklyn, mountains in Mexico, and retreats to the desert. His passions are nature and women.

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